You’re a parent with ADHD. Great tips can help you manage.
You’re a parent with ADHD. Great tips can help you manage.
BY Zoe Martinez
Parenting is difficult. Full stop. There’s a never ending list of responsibilities to meet, between work, home, meals, pets, activities (yours and your kids’) and more.
Parenting while improperly or ignoring ADHD symptoms can lead to problems. In fact, a scientific analysis tells us that parents who have ADHD are “associated with less positive and more harsh and lax parenting behaviors.”
That's why it’s important to keep a few things in mind as you manage your ADHD while you navigate the parenting landscape. And who knows? Maybe you’ll transform your ADHD into your parenting super power.
Some general rules
Some tried and true strategies can help you navigate parenting while managing your ADHD.
Always leave room for self care. The scenario of putting an oxygen mask on yourself before you put it on your kids is a perfect example; if you don’t have enough oxygen for yourself, how can you help your children? Self-care can take many forms: yoga or gardening to relax; taking an online class; establishing a good bedtime routine; and incorporating exercise into your schedule are just a few.
If you’re experiencing difficulties managing your ADHD while you parent, seek the help of a therapist who can provide you guidance on helpful time management tactics; coping mechanisms; and offer general support.
Some helpful strategies
While some technology is counterproductive in helping with time management - hello, endless scrolling - timers and reminder alerts can help you focus your attention when and where it’s needed.
Take a break. Transitioning from one activity to another can be challenging. Taking time between tasks to refocus can help with those transitions.
Tap into your network. When things become overwhelming, ask for help from a trusted friend or family member, who can take over parenting, household or other duties if necessary.
If there are areas you know can be particularly difficult - even triggering - be proactive and set up some contingencies to implement in advance of these areas. For example, your child constantly disrupts your weekly online therapy appointment. Rather than react in the moment, give your child an age-appropriate activity to complete while you’re busy. This will keep them occupied and your frustration at bay.
Parenting support groups are a great tool to foster community and help us see that we’re not alone in our struggles. The National Alliance on Mental Illness hosts these groups at its chapters around the country.
Parenting tips
Oftentimes, these tips are easier said than done. That’s why it’s critical to understand your limits as a parent with ADHD and use them to empower yourself - and your children.
First and foremost, be patient with yourself and with your child so you can model appropriate responses and behavior. Young children need structure; incorporating strategies, like breaking up tasks into manageable steps or using a task planner to help you manage your responsibilities, can help you better navigate those early years.
It’s also important to take time for yourself, so tap into your personal network and find a responsible caregiver to care for your young child so you can take a break.
As your children get older, they’ll have more extracurricular activities, school work and social commitments. Breaking your parenting tasks when it comes to managing your child’s activities into manageable steps can help you and your child prioritize and efficiently allocate your time.
Asking for help is a sign of strength; if it’s too overwhelming for you, hire a tutor to help your adolescent with homework. This takes the pressure off you so you can focus on other priorities.
As models for our children’s behavior, parents with ADHD can also model healthy ways of coping. It can be easy to become overwhelmed by parenting responsibilities. Deep breathing exercises, journaling and just having a simple conversation with each other are all great strategies for managing stress.
The bottom line
When it comes to parenting, life happens and sometimes gets in the way. But if you employ tactics that provide support for yourself and for your children, you’ll be well on your way to establishing a routine and habits that will serve you well along your parenting with ADHD journey.
Dr. Zoe Martinez is a lead psychiatrist at done., a simple, convenient app that allows users to manage their ADHD.